


The End

by orphan_account



Category: Chaos Walking - Patrick Ness
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 04:27:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5991691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben and Cillian in the very beginning of the Knife of Never Letting Go. </p><p>Bits of Billian, mostly me typing my pain.<br/>Didn't help much</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally the beginning of an idea, it wasn't actually part of it. But, I think it's betting on its own. If anyone wants the second part, I can publish it.
> 
> This is my first fanfic, ever.  
> Please comment and be nice? Thanks.

"What are we going to do?" I say.  
I hear Ben shift on the other side of the bed. "About what?" He asks, though he can hear my noise and knows exactly well what I mean.  
"Todd" I say and he sighs. I continue "Tomorrow, it will be a month 'till he's thirteen"  
"We agreed years ago, we aren't going to let it come to that"  
"Exactly. What are we going to do about it then?" Ben is uneasy. I can read him far better than any other soul in this dark little town.  
"We've got a month-" he starts, but I cut him off.  
"No. We don't have a month. It's not like you've never crossed Prentiss, Ben. He knows we're going to try and get Todd out. He might be insane, but he isn't stupid.  
"Cillian?-" Ben pleads  
"Frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't got his soldiers round us constantly. Everyday we leave it, the harder it's going to be to get him out."  
"He's only twelve-"  
"I know he's twelve. The point is he's nearly thirteen. Even if we leave it until the last possible day, he will still be twelve."  
"He's so young, we're going to throw him out on his own. He'll have nothing, and the entirety of Prentisstown will be following him."  
"He isn't even your son" I say and Ben gets angry. Ben is so rarely angry, it's easy to forget how angry he can get. But I'm feeling angry too, so I continue "He's his mother's son. We are only looking after him because we were to cowardly to go down with the decent men."  
Ben's silent. I know that I've struck a nerve. The real reason we didn't fight was to keep Todd safe of course, but it's hard not to feel guilty. Because maybe we should have fought. Maybe, the additional numbers of myself and Ben, would have saved the women, and Todd would still have his mother. Maybe, we'd have died, given the state of things, I'm not sure that would have the worst option. Maybe-  
"But that's all they are isn't it. Maybes." I look up and there's Ben looking at me, listening to my noise. He pauses "He IS our son. Perhaps not of our blood, but we raised him, Cillian. He's our son"  
"That's why you won't let him go isn't it?" I say "You are trying to protect your only 'son'."  
"Is that why you never treated him like a son?" Ben says, "You were afraid to lose him, so you never tried to live him"  
"It's not that I don't love him" I say quietly, "But what's the point in letting yourself be hurt?"  
"It's better to have loved and lost then have never to have loved at all"  
"The words of someone who's clearly never been hurt"

"Cillian?-" Ben tries, but I ignore him and turn over, away from him. It's silent for a moment  
then  
"I love you Cillian"

I don't say anything back.


	2. Chapter 2

When I wake the next morning, I am ready to apologise the Ben, but when I turn over, his side of the bed is empty.   
I pull on an old tattered robe and go downstairs where Ben is making pancakes in front of Todd, and both of them are laughing. For a second my anger is forgotten because when I see Ben like this, it reminds me of the man I fell in love with.  
Ben turn around and glares at me before turning back to the cooking. Yeah, he's still mad.  
I pull Ben out the kitchen by the shoulder and I ask him-  
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"  
"I WAS making breakfast, Cillian"  
"Thought you were going to get him out the way so we could get him out of here?"  
"I am. He's going down to the swamp to get apples. Plenty of time for us to make your 'plan'"  
We are silent, and just stare at each other for a second before Ben says-  
"Well" and he smiles "do you want a pancake or not?"  
***  
Once Todd is out the house, we speak in hushed tones about his escape.  
It takes us half the time to relocate his bag we packed years ago, stashed underneath the floorboards. Ben fishes the diary out the bag and writes something in the cover next to a hand drawn map.  
We are finally making progress when lights go out.  
"Again?" Ben sighs  
"Third time this week."  
"We need a new one"  
"We can't afford it"  
Ben sighs "then you'd better go fix it. I'll go feed the chickens, Todd will be back soon, anyway."  
"Yeah. I guess so."  
He smiles. The last smile he will ever give me. 

 

****   
I'm under the generator, my arms up inside it when I hear Todd outside. He swearing this way and that, it is doesn't sound like he's got any apples.

We have a short fight when we get in about his swearing and my not caring and his lack of apples. We are interrupted by Manchee Quiet in the swamp, Todd. Quiet.  
Quiet? I feel fear move up my spine, the fear that he has found out something he can't know. Not yet.  
"What?" I say to him, angrier than I mean to "what does he mean by quiet?"

Todd gets angry then, starts swearing and storms out the back of the house to find Ben.

Quiet?


	3. Chapter 3

The next thing I know, both me and Ben are helping Todd, getting his things.  
He's swearing but neither of us are pulling him up on it, and I feel his fear. He doesn't understand, he doesn't understand anything.

There's a knock at the door. A knock that confirms our fears. A knock that shows we're out of time. A knock that seals my fate. Ben holds my hand whispers the plan. I nod and I kiss him, our last kiss. Funny, how these goodbyes work out.

Davy Prentiss is at the door, ordering us to open it. But we don't, do we? I watch the door swing shut behind Ben and Todd, and I realise that this is the end. I'm not sad like thought it would be. I'm scared, but not for myself. For Ben, my soulmate, the thing that kept me tethered to this awful reality; for Todd, the son who was never mine, yet always was.   
I'm realising all this too late. My last thoughts will be those of sorrow, regret. All I can hope for, is that my life buys Ben and Todd more. 

Yet even I know it's far too much to ask.  
**

 

There are soldiers in the house.   
They ask me where Ben and Todd are going. Where they have gone.  
I hide it in my noise even though they know. Because they do know.

There are guns pressed against me. I have a gun too, but I do not use it.  
I've caused too much pain in my life, I'm not going to die with more blood on my hands.  
But I refuse to leave the house.  
I refuse to join the fight against my son.  
My son, who never did anything wrong, who was just born in the wrong place at the wrong time.

They tell me I have no choice, but I do.  
I will never leave this house.  
They are setting the house on fire.  
I will never leave.  
Never.


End file.
